I’ll tell you this much…

there is something weird how I handle emotions and relationships.  I’m sure I’m not the only one that tries to overcome a heartbreak by getting into another relationships, but let me tell you, you can’t blame a girl from trying!  And have I tried!

I keep making the wrong choices. But let’s back up a bit.  Did I mentioned that I have somehow “gotten back” with the heartbreaker most of these blogs are about? Ugh.  I’m not sure that was the right decision. Specially because he has gotten back to his tactics.  It was the beginning of November when he called back, and since then we have had sex several times.  I’m sure what he’s said was in the best of intentions, but he continued to say the “right” things by attempting to say that I know how to make him feel better and how easy it was to just carry on our “relationship” with such ease as if nothing has happened. And then just a couple of days ago, he said he doesn’t want us to “do it” anymore because he didn’t want to hurt me and he didn’t want to mix feelings into what we had.  What??!?!? Of course I played along and tried to be aloof about what he said. I mean, did he expect for my world to crumble once again! I have done it all!  I have cried. I have hated.  I have been depressed with no consolation in sight. And it wasn’t because of my failed relationship with him.  I think it was bigger than that. He personified every failed relationship in my life and I know it wasn’t him particularly.  It’s just that my heart got broken.  That’s all.  Will I overcome it completely?  Of course I will.  Yes.  Time has been my greatest ally. Sometimes it hurst more than others.  But many more other times I’ve survived. Am I still afraid to fall in love again? Yes.  But I’ve been there before. I want to fall in love again.  Feel the giddiness and the happiness. I don’t know how much longer I have to wait.  Is it right to be with the Mr-Right-Nows? Or should I just stay single?  I can definitely be single.  I don’t have to have someone by my side at all.  But I guess I should settle for friends. Whenever I want to make the time, then they’ll be there. If I feel like having some company, then I’ll get some company.  The other days I’ll just relish in my freedom.  Even as I type this, it all sounds so cruel. Hmmm.  Only time will tell.

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