I’m still here

I’m here again.  October marks a year since I last kissed his lips. You’d think the other tongues I’ve tasted would have erased his taste and my mind would have placed his memories in the “Once Upon a Time” file.  That area in my brain where I place all my heartbreaks and disappointments.

I guess if I didn’t try so hard at being cool and collected.  At being mysterious and dark, maybe I wouldn’t be here alone typing away rambling thoughts just to fill in the time that’s leftover of this day. 

I could just go to sleep.  But perhaps I will spend my time just rolling around in bed. Hot. Sweaty. Restless. And I will think of him again while I close my eyes and reach for the drawer in my nightstand. Once again, ending my plight with an “I’m yours! I’m yours! I’ve always been yours!” How more pathetic can I get. I’ve already checked his FB account, searching for some trace of the life we once shared.

Was it all my fault?

It’s quite impossible to move on when everywhere I look, there’s something of him there.  Everywhere.  The door handle he helped me fix. the backyard where we danced. Every room in this house we’ve blessed.  Don’t forget about the living room or the kitchen.  My, we had good times in the kitchen! Even dishes I’ve cooked remind me of him. Washing dishes. The books I’lll read.  Every song on my iPod had something of his. 

I’ve never loved like this.  And while I’m afraid, I also wish to love again. Or have I lost my chance? Do I get to love only once?  I sure hope not.  But a year? A year and I still can’t shake off this love?

Melancholic nights await me this October…